Obscured dreams

If you asked me before if there is one thing that I am most certain about in my life, I probably would have said that it’s my course.

I still remember that moment when I knew I wanted to be a Journalist. It was when I first realized that writing is my passion. And writing is a passion that started way back during that time when I first learned the function of a pencil. HAHA. I'm sounding like Rachel Berry right now.

Anyways. When I was three, I was already writing these so-called love letters. By the time I was six, I was already constantly curling myself up on the corner of our house and making my Journal listen to the things that I couldn’t possibly tell anyone else.

Language and Writing have always been my favorite subjects in the world. I was always that girl who had the highest score in random writing activities. The girl who was always sent to represent whenever there was a student press competition or a nearby shindig of some sort for student writers.

Choosing my degree in college wasn’t much of a biggie at all. I didn’t even have to bother consider other courses in the university because ticking that box beside Bachelor of Mass Communication was enough for me to picture out my whole life in college.

The thing is that I’d die by the mere sight of blood and everyone who knows me even from afar could tell that I barely know how to place the x and y axes in a graph. So yeah. The whole point is that writing, it seems, is the only thing I’m good at. And to tell you honestly, I cannot imagine myself ever doing anything else in life.

But if you ask me again about that one thing I am most certain about, I’d say I’m not so sure anymore.


Now that I am having a little taste of what I’ve always wanted, I tell you, nothing seems to go right. This internship really is making me doubt something that I used to be so sure of. What I thought would just be an extension of what I do for the Weekly Sillimanian or ma’am Acedo’s class turned out to be something more than I could fathom.

This is the real deal where hunting for news becomes more terrifying now that competition is always around. Where the people who are needed to be interviewed are ruthless and intimidating. Where the place for interview is not just one pedicab ride away and making a complete story takes more than just one day. Where editors are not to be ignored but pleased.

Right now all my hopes and dreams have become obscured. How can I manage to be what I want when I can’t even ace my internship? I hate to admit this but right now all I really wish is that I could just spend all my life Facebooking and watching YouTube covers of my favorite bands. Right now I wish that I could forever stay young and carefree, just dreaming about my future and not actually starting to live it.

But then again, at some point in the remaining days of my college life, I would have to realize that updating my status in Facebook every three minutes and posting pretty pictures in Tumblr will never get me to the dreams I’ve set for myself. At some point I would have to grow up and start planning for my future. I have come to this part of my life as a student where every single day matters, where every single day is an opportunity to make my resume a little more appealing.

Even though on a regular basis the only thing that comes out of my mouth is very superficial, I do have dreams bigger than defeating an evil witch and being carried away by a handsome prince to a faraway land. I have dreams that include making a name for myself, proving wrong the people who have doubted me and giving back to my family who have sacrificed far more than anyone I know.

But again, the problem now is that I am not so sure about my plans anymore.

Oh gosh.