The Stupid-est thing I have ever done in my eighteen years of existence

Writing this article.
:)


Through the eyes of a hopeless romantic
By Jeahan Virda B. De Barras

You ask me if I have a problem. Well, I do have a problem. And to tell you honestly, I’m getting a little worried about it.

You see, I think I have been missing out on some things. Things like hugs and roses and chocolates and sweet letters. And maybe even gushing and blushing and serenades. Well generally I think I have been missing out on, umm, the most beautiful thing this life has to offer—what I have always wanted—the very thing that keeps people moving and makes life so much worthwhile. Yes, I have been missing out on love.

All my life I’ve been hearing stories about love and every time I do, I can’t help but ask, with a sorry look on my face, where is mine. Most of my friends had one. Cinderella had one. Korina Sanchez had one. Even the old lady at one of the beauty parlors downtown had one. But what about me?

If Fairy Godmother appears right now, I won’t wish for another pair of Havaianas. Instead I would ask her to make having someone to love be as easy and as instant as an instant cup of noodles. An instant cup of noodles comes in a small package, and all you need to do is just add hot water, then voila, you have food! So at that one moment when you were so hungry you couldn’t turn to the next page the thick book you’ve been reading for seven hours already, that instant cup of noodles was able to satisfy your empty, desperate stomach. I really think life will be so much easier if the love of your life could just be found inside a little hot water-enduring cup.

But because Fairy Godmother is taking her time to appear, up to this day I still have never had anything to satisfy my stomach with— oh wait, what I meant was, I have never had anything to satisfy my heart with. Never, not anything since Land Before Time.

I was never able to smile with flying hearts on my background. And I tell you, it's not easy. I am the person you see walking next to a couple who are holding hands together. I am the person who goes inside a flower shop, looks at the beautiful roses and wonders just when I'd be able to get one. I am the person you happen to pass through the benches--the person who just sits, arms crossed, and stares at the laughing boy and girl at the bench just across. I am the person who secretly cries inside the shower room, wondering if there's really somebody saved especially to lift up the loneliness and emptiness I feel inside.

You know the feeling when you come from an exhausting organization meeting and it’s already 11pm and you have to walk to your dorm alone and when you get there you still have to wait for your dorm manager to open the door for you and while waiting you hear all these weird, creepy sounds. Don’t you just suddenly wish right then and there that you were with someone strong and brave? What about those times when you are alone—reading a heartbreakingly sad book—at a coffee shop filled with laughing couples and then because of an attempt to uplift your loneliness, you suddenly begin imagining that you are also laughing with someone—The Someone. Don’t you just wish that The Someone really did exist to keep you from being insane? Since you are so curious, yes, those are just some of the random feelings I get every single day.

It’s funny, by the way, that of all people it has to be me who is put in this situation. I mean, I love love. Love is the keyword I type on Google on a regular basis. Love is why I cry over weddings and marriage proposals. Love is why I listen to Norah Jones and John Lennon. Love is the word that first catches my attention on the front cover of a novel. Love is why I get goose bumps when I hear a guy serenading the girl he loves. Love is why I keep doodling hearts on my notebook instead of listening to my boring teachers. Love is the top category out of all the fan pages I have become a fan of in Facebook. Love is why I curl myself up on my bed until 3am reading Nicholas Sparks books and watching Meg Ryan movies instead of studying for my Scriptwriting report. Love is why I smile, I laugh, I cry. Love is, I think, what really defines me.

But whyohwhy, love, can’t you just love me back? WHY?

Well I am a bit overreacting but maybe you’d understand that while others have been moping around over failed after failed relationships, I’ve also been moping around. Over relationships that never did and never will (oh gosh, I hope not) exist. At least some of you have experienced blushing and sobrang cheesy-ing before the heartaches happened.

But I don’t consider my situation unfortunate. I’m not saying that you all turn your attention away from the victims of Haiti for me. Goodness, please don’t pity me. I love being free. Even though I’ve had no experience whatsoever when it comes to relationships, at least, and I quote from my friend, “staying single means I’m increasing my market value.”

And I definitely have no plans of wasting my first real relationship over just anyone. I don’t plan on making someone my First Love just because I’m tired of being alone. I am saving myself up for one person alone. As to who that person is, I really don’t know yet.

So even though I’m kind of getting worried about this problem, don’t worry because I’ll get by. I’ll get by because I am a hundred and one percent sure that when the right time comes, the reason why I am writing this article in the first place will come.



(This is the unedited version with the more relevant title...haha)




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